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Friday, September 5, 2008

My Big Belly, a "Tweener" and the PTA Meeting

I can't see my feet. My legs either for that matter. If I bend waaay waaay over I can see my toes though. I haven't been doing that very often lately and last night at the PTA meeting things got a little embarassing.

Here's the deal...I'm 32.5 weeks pregnant. I've gained 50 pounds. My once delicate 5' 8" 135 pound body is edging dangerously near the 200 pound mark on my scale. I've stopped wearing skirts (unless I have tights underneath) because my thighs rub together when I walk, which causes a very uncomfortable heat rash in the 100 degree Texas weather. Putting on underwear has become a real challenge. I can't see the leg holes, and balancing these extra 50 pounds on one foot is no small task.

This is what I see when I look down:

So back to the PTA meeting. I wore a knee length dress. I sat down next to a nice looking couple. At some point I started looking around, as tends to happen at these extremely uneventful meetings. Anyone with an attention span of less than 60 minutes is scanning the room for something stimulating to look at. I noticed the man two chairs away staring at my legs. This wasn't a polite or lusty type of stare. This was a slightly puzzled looking type of stare. I tapped into his brain and heard his thoughts clearly...

"Hmmm, she has a nice face, she looks like she's about to burst... I wonder when the last time she shaved her legs was, not to mention those terribly neglected toes."

Then he saw me seeing him and he held my gaze for a second. I looked down at my legs and thought...

"Oh my! When was the last time I shaved my legs???"

This is what I see when I look down and bend waaay waaay over... toes!

While all of this was going on my 10 year old 5th grade daughter, Josiah, and my husband, her step-father, Brett, had another conversation going on. Brett saw an interesting looking 5th grade aged boy. He asked Josiah who that boy was.

We haven't quite figured out what kind of questions are acceptable to our 5th grade "tween", but asking about boys is a cardinal sin worthy of intense fury and hours of grudge holding.

When I looked back at the two of them (while trying to hide my overgrown leg hair under my chair) I could see there was a problem.

"What's going on?" I asked Josiah.

"Brett's mean!" she insisted. "He's acting suspicious!"

I looked at Brett, he shrugged and looked confused. Brett is one of the most straight forward people I've ever known. Suspicious is not a term I would use for him.

In the car on the way home I dug a little deeper.

"What was it that Brett did that was suspicious, Josiah?" I inquired.

"He was asking suspicious questions about that boy!" she fired back.

"I just asked his name." Brett threw in hesitantly.

"Do you like this boy?" I pried, thinking I had gotten to the core of the issue.

"NO!" Josiah shreiked "Kinzey does!" (Kinzey is Josiah's BFF)

So that was that. I'm not sure what the PTA meeting was supposed to be about, but I did return home with some important lessons learned.

1. I still need to shave my legs and paint my toenails in the last two months of pregnancy if I intend to wear knee length skirts in public places.

2. Never expect a 10 year old 5th grade girl to be reasonable about boys. (we never did get his name)

3. I'm really greatful to have the kind of husband who can live with a very pregnant woman and a tween girl and love us unconditionally. I can only imagine how challenging it is sometimes.


Anonymous said...

Hello Sis,

Ha Ha... It is the same with Paul and asking about girls. Like I committed an unspeakable offence.

Be Well and Happy! and keep up the humor.

Love You!

Anonymous said...

Love the photographs...LOL so beautiful, really!

Don't bother shaving, just use Nair. It will be much easier and Brett, well he can paint your toe nails for a few weeks, right?

I am almost 50, and my DH just started doing mine for me just because.

Don't you just love the great ones, and we got em...

Welcome to the etsyBlogger team.


joeyandaleethea said...

Hehe - such cute pix! My baby girl is 3 mos old now and I already miss being preggers. Oh my gosh...did I just say that?? Have fun in your last weeks of big bellyness, and definitely have your hubby paint your toenails! My hubbs did that for me during my final month and it was awesome. Pamper pamper pamper!! :D